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  • thebenm posted an update 3 years ago

    JOHN JOHN 101
    How Much Do You Know About the Kid So Nice, They Named Him Twice

    Do you know John John the way we know John John?

    To celebrate the first of his 21 World Titles, here is a quiz to test your John John Florence acumen.

    A: John John Florence’s father is:

    1. Darth Vader
    2. Kelly Slater (not!)
    3. The lovechild of Bob Hurley and Ray Knight
    4. Neptune (shhhh!!!!!)
    5. John Florence Sr. the son of a rocket scientist and a psychologist who now lives in Florida and has written a book about John Jr. called f.e.a.r.
    6. John F Kennedy Junior (shhhh!)

    B: John John’s mom is:
    1. From New Jersey
    2. Very good at the mom thing.
    3. A life-long surfer
    4. The girl in the leopard skin lycra suit in the Halloween party scene from North Shore.
    5. More than a little adventurous/resilient/thrifty/crafty.
    6. All of the above.

    C: John John’s brothers are:

    1. Huey, Dewey and Louie
    2. Nathan and Ivan
    3. Manny, Moe and Zack.
    4. Moe, Curly, Manny, Shemp
    5. Sean and Stephen (Or are they his uncles??!?!?!?!)
    6. Us all, as brothers of the sea.

    D. John’s John’s middle name is.

    1. John
    2. Kelly
    3. Ron
    4. Alexander
    5. Danger

    E. John John has broken

    1. Hearts around the world.
    2. Back, wrist, leg, arm and torn an ankle ligament.
    3. Wind, loud enough to be heard in Wahiawa, after eating at Cholo’s
    4. “Almost everything” according to mom.
    5. Countless surfboards

    F. John John was surfing:
    1. With his mom at six months old.
    2. With Pancho Sullivan and Jamie O’Brien at four
    3. Behind Herbie Fletcher’s jet ski at seven
    4. Small Pipeline at eight
    5. Waimea at 12
    6. The Triple Crown at 13
    7. The ASP World Tour at 19.
    8. All of the above.

    G. Who said this about John John at Pipe when he was very young: “”I remember seeing him out there and I’m thinking ‘God, he’s f***ing young, he’s going to get drilled. And he did. But he never gave up.”

    1. Kelly Slater
    2. Kala Alexander
    3. Marc Cunningham
    4. Gerry Lopez
    5. Jamie O’Brien
    6. Brock Little.

    H. The following things are true about John John’s formal education:

    1. At Sunset Elementary, he dripped water all over his classrooms having run straight into the classroom after a surf. Was later schooled in the use of towels.
    2. Was almost always barefoot at Sunset Elementary.
    3. Went to Kahuku until his junior year. “Home school” after that.
    4. Would sometimes incite food fights.
    5. Never showed off surfing trophies for show and tell.
    6. All of the above.

    I. According to North Shore citizens, the following things are true about John John’s character as a human being:

    1. Loves to sail.
    2. Plays the ukulele a little bit.
    3. Never had that annoying, too-cool surfer attitude that the rest of us had.
    4. Has always taken care of his little brothers and his mom. And more so, now.
    5. All of the above.

    J. John John Florence has appeared in which of these film projects
    1. Scooby Doo (2002: in the role of Shaggy)
    2. Napoleon Dynamite (2004: JJF did that dance at the end)
    3. Dear Suburbia (2012)
    4. Lost Atlas (2010)
    5. Done (2013)
    6. View (2015)

    ANSWERS
    A. 5
    B. 6
    C. 2
    D. 4
    E. 1, 2, 4, 5
    F. 8
    G. 5
    H. 6
    I. 5
    J. 3,4,5,6

    FINAL TALLY
    Score 20 points for each correct answer.

    Score = 200: Hi John John. Congrats on the title.

    Score = 100 – 180: You are a John John scholar. If you love him so much, why don’t you marry him

    Score = 60 – 100: You need to get out more, or at least read more.

    Score = 0 – 60: See that zero? Yeah, that’s YOU!